“How To Mess Up A Dog”
By Sean O’Shea
So much of what we see with
problem dogs and their behavior, is that people have unintentionally reinforced
and encouraged the wrong stuff. And of course, none of us want to intentionally
mess up our dogs (even though many of us – including your’s truly have). So
here’s a little list of reminders that we’ll call the “don’t do”, or “watch out
for” list. Keeping these in mind, and doing your very best to avoid these
common dog/owner traps will go a long way towards you having a great
relationship, and enjoyable life with your dog.
-Trying to love a badly
behaved dog better. (Guaranteed to make a bad dog worse)
-Coddling, nurturing,
babying an insecure, nervous dog. (The very best way to deepen insecurity, and
to ensure a neurotic mess of a dog)
-Allowing a dog to have
constant access to you and your personal space – following you everywhere,
jumping in your lap uninvited, always needing to be near. (The perfect recipe
for separation anxiety and possessiveness)
-Constantly petting a dog.
(The very best way to create a dependent, nervous, entitled, bratty, separation
anxiety dog)
-Ignoring bad behavior –
jumping, whining, barking, fence fighting, growling etc. – in the hopes it will
go away. (It never does, it only gets worse)
-Using your dog to fill
emotional gaps in your life. (The most common reason for neurotic, unstable dog
behavior)
-Not enforcing rules because
they feel bad. (A selfish act that ensures your dog will not have access to the
rules and leadership it needs to thrive and be balanced)
-Letting dogs be “dogs” –
thinking/rationalizing that growling, protective behavior, resource guarding,
reactivity etc. is normal/acceptable. (This excuses unacceptable/unhealthy
behavior by calling it “normal” and allows it to continue/increase)
-Being inconsistent.
(Teaches dogs rules and boundaries are always negotiable, and ensures they will
be negotiated)
-Accidentally rewarding
whining/barking/growling by petting/talking to/letting in or out of a
door/crate. (Teaches dogs that those behaviors get them what they want, and
ensures you’ll see a whole lot more of them)
-Spoiling/allowing bad
behavior due to guilt. (Feeling guilty about working long hours/being away from
home for long periods and trying to assuage that guilt by spoiling the
dog/being permissive/allowing bad behavior to occur to make ourselves feel
better. Unfortunately it only makes your dog feel/behave worse)
-Letting stressed, pulling,
anxious, worked up dogs meet on-leash. (This is a common scene that can create
dog reactivity and even dog fights)
-Letting dogs pull to trees
or bushes on walks. (Teaches dogs that pushiness gets them what they want)
-Touching, talking to,
“enjoying” a dog who jumps on you. (Reinforces jumping and guarantees more
jumping)
-Letting dogs “work it out”
on their own (Old school approach to “ socializing” dogs that is a great way
for creating dog fights and never ending tension/grudges between dogs that live
together)
-Giving treats or petting a
growling/barking/anxious/stressed dog to calm and soothe them. (A very common
mistake that does the exact opposite of making it better. It always makes the
behavior worse, by reinforcing it)
-Sharing only your soft,
sweet, loving, affectionate side. (This is akin to only saying yes and cuddling
your child, and never saying no or enforcing rules. It leaves dogs feeling
alone and unsure about who’s in charge, nervous, anxious, stressed, and out of
control – just like it would kids)
-Using tools that allow dogs
to ignore you and the tool. (The wrong tools – harnesses, flat collars, flex
leases etc – can actually empower the dog to misbehave and disempower you from
communicating with your dog)
-Using tools that
allow/encourage the dog to behave worse. (See above!)
-Seeing freedom, love, and
affection as more vital to your dog’s well-being than structure, rules,
guidance. (This is a common mistake, born out of either our desire to nurture,
our desire to fulfill ourselves, or not understanding that dogs need guidance
and leadership at least as much as they do “love”. It’s also the best way to
truly mess up a dog)
-Thinking exercise and
activity create calm, relaxed dogs on their own. (This is a huge misconception.
exercising a dog to try to make it calm is futile and limited benefit endeavor.
The best approach is both exercise AND teaching the dog to be conditioned to be
calm through training)
-Wanting to be your dog’s
best friend before having become his leader. (Trying to create a healthy
relationship through love, play, and friendship without first creating respect,
rules, and boundaries is a first-class ticket to problem dog city! First
impressions are as important to dogs as they are to people, and trying to fix
negative first impressions is just as formidable)
-Thinking dogs just want to
please you. (Like all the rest of us, dogs want to please themselves first and
foremost. If you’ll look hard enough you’ll see the benefit for them in
whatever they’re doing to please you. Understanding this is essential to living
well with dogs)
-Not sharing valuable
consequences for bad behavior. (The most common way owners allow negative
behaviors to continue and flourish! It is only through clear, valuable
consequences for their choices and actions that dog behavior changes and
improves)
-Being afraid that
consequences and discipline will ruin your relationship. (A common
misconception. The truth is, the exact opposite; you’ll create a much
healthier, respectful, balanced, and enjoyable relationship by sharing clear
boundaries and rules consistently. Your dog will be happier and enjoy you far
more if you’ll be a good leader)
-Letting love blind you to
your dog’s actual needs. (So many of us are so desperate to connect and love
and nurture that we’ll forgo sharing what actually makes our dogs happy,
balanced, and comfortable. This is a selfish act, based on our needs, not our
dogs.)
-Letting your needs blind
you to your dog’s actual needs. (So many of us struggle to connect, feel safe,
engage in love within the human world, or are just overwhelmed, overworked and
lean on our dogs for love, support, nurturing, in a world where we aren’t able
to receive the same support and nurturing from our own kind. When our dogs
represent so much more than just being our dogs, it can become next to
impossible to share the leadership, discipline, structure, rules, and
accountability they need to thrive)
Of course there’s always
more, but this is a pretty good place to start to get a better handle on you
and your dog’s relationship. And if you’re having any issues, chances are
awfully good that you’ll find the cause right here in this post.
